The Thing Between My Lungs Is Making Me So Tired
by CollegeCyns
Summary: This is the story of a tough marriage, of one-sided love, of the hardships life throws at you, of picking yourself back up again every time it knocks you down, of a broken family trying to mend and of the one she let walk away.


**AN: I wrote this for my mom, because she deserves much more than what the world gives her. She's my hero.**

**Also a warning, this story jumps around a lot. Hope you don't get too lost. If you do feel free to ask me anything.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, though I wish I did so I could buy my mom that mansion I promised her when I was five.**

This is the story of a tough marriage, of one-sided love, of a broken family trying to mend and of the one she let walk away.

Of a strong woman who was actually weak and just tired of life on the inside. But was trying and fighting so hard to be that strong, lively and independent woman she once was.

One who continuously thought of her death and if it was coming soon. Hoping it would. Because she was so tired of life and it's hardships. She worked her entire life, she just wanted a break.

Of a woman who didn't love easily but when she did, she loved with whole heart.

She put her kids first. Always. She would do anything for them. Anytime. Any place. She thought the world of them. Though she saw their flaws, boy, did she see their flaws.

To her, they were golden. Imperfections and all. She loved them 'til the day she died and if she could manage it, afterwards too.

Of a woman who was skeptical of all people and was a die-hard cynic when it came to other people having good intentions. She'd been wronged too many times to count.

She didn't believe in friends, never having many in her lifetime. Where were they when she truly needed them? Not around, that's where.

But she did have friends. She could count them all on one hand. She didn't trust easily. Like I said, she'd been wronged many times in her lifetime. People were just bad.

It was _His_ family's fault they always had problems. They manipulated him and put thoughts into his head. Mainly his brothers Paul and Jared and his sisters Rebecca and and Claire were the instigators. They told him lies. That Bella was no good for him. That she slept around. That his son wasn't his. They were cruel and vile. All because they wanted a good laugh.

They both came from large families, the families loathed eachother. Charlie didn't approve of her being with someone who was Italian or Catholic. William didn't approve of Jacob being with a non-Native American woman. They had ignored that and tried to stay together.

He was younger than her by a few years, but he was so charming. Only when Bella agreed to be with him did she see him for who he truly was. An alcoholic who was easily manipulated by his family. Later on in life, Bella would come to find that he would always no matter what put his family before his wife and his children.

This was the story of a woman who often wondered how differently her life would have been had she not met and stayed with Jacob all those years ago. She had a chance to be rid of him and try for a new life when they were seperated. She even went as far as thinking about finding the gentle, compassionate and caring man that had said he would have treated her right before he admitted defeat and said goodbye. But she didn't leave _him_, though she wanted to. They were seperated for two years. Young Riley had a miserable upbringing. Bella had done her absolute best to keep him safe, clothed, fed and loved.

Jake had groveled and pleaded and promised he would change. And he had, to a point. She believed him and took him back. Afterall, she was still hopelessly in love with the jerk. She wanted her son to have a father, so she took him back. All of him including the degrading and abusive parts of him.

She also took back his family. The family who hated her and thought of her as not good enough for their golden boy. The only ones who have ever been by her side was his oldest sister and youngest brother. Rachel and Embry.

His sister had been the one that had helped her tough it out.

"It's hard, I know. But there are people who care about you. And your son depends and needs you. You have to tough it out. It gets better."

She had told her so many times. How she wished it was true. Almost thirty years later, she would pause her cleaning of the counter in her eighth new home in that many years and think about where her life had gone. And why when she really thought about it, she could only think about a handful of truly good times. Not one of them included Jacob.

She would forever be grateful for his eldest sister. His sister had stopped him from kidnapping his son and running off with a girl, Leah, from his hometown. While back home he had his wife, anxious and pregnant with his daughter, waiting for him to return her son back to her from their month-long visit. She knew of Leah, she was Jacob's older brother Sam's wife Emily's cousin. She also knew that Leah had agreed to run off with her husband and son. Bella had been furious with Jake (She would have hunted him down and killed him, had his sister not interfered) and so damn grateful to Rachel for making sure her son Riley, was returned to her.

That had been during their seperation. He hadn't been there for her during her pregnancy. She had been living with her younger sister, Alice, who already had a family of her own. A kind husband and two daughters. Evelyn and Jessica. One older and one younger than her son.

Children will be children, she had said. But it didn't make her any less sad, when her nieces shunned her son when they would play. He was a fragile little boy, that was constantly being moved from place to place and had not one friend.

They wouldn't play with him and refused to let him watch the cartoons he wanted to watch. They had teamed up and picked on him. She could only comfort him when he would fall asleep. As that was the only time he would allow anybody to hold him. He had been slowly starting to resent his family, at the young age of six.

This is what had caused her son's resentment for her side of the family. He still, to this day, held a nasty grudge against his now grown and kind cousins. He was now grown too, but his mind was still one of a child's. Bella was always worried about him. Knowing his mind would most likely never mature. He had been through so much trauma and abuse, his mind stayed with his child-like mentality as a defense mechanism.

Eventually she couldn't stand the sad and lonely look on his face anymore and they left her sister's place and found one of their own. In a bad neighborhood. She couldn't afford much living on a low salary, taking on a second job to keep food on the table. Her hours left her with no other choice but to put him in a daycare. She had always detested daycares' with a passion. But had no other choice as she hadn't been able to get ahold of his father.

A few months of enrolling her son in the daycare she pulled him out. Her jobs had left her exhausted and unobservant. But one day she had noticed a mark on his upper arm and when she had gently prodded it he had flinched and yanked it away. She had raised his shirt sleeve higher and saw bruises. She demanded her crying and sniffling little boy tell her who had hurt him.

And once he finished, she saw red. She immediately pulled him out of the daycare and reported them. She was left unsatisfied, wishing she could hurt them more. But couldn't risk it, she was all her son had. She also had to think about her unborn daughter.

All her sisters' had supported her all they could. Though they were adamant about their hatred for her wayward husband. Her sisters' were all she had, her youngest sister, Alice, knew everything. While her older sisters, Rosalie and Angela, knew bits and pieces. They were strict and had different values than she did. They were more old-fashioned.

Her eldest sister's daughter had always been more attached to her than to her own mother. Cute little girl always following her around and asking for her. She had a soft spot for her little niece, so sweet and shy. She was her favorite, though she would never say it outloud, her niece knew. Sophia, or as Bella liked to call her Sophie, was like a second daughter to her. Bella loved her so much. Years later on that dreadful day in February would she come to realize just how much she loved her. Oh, her heart broke and let her know for sure.

Bella loved her sister Rosalie, but God was she pretentious. Her children's names proved it. Rose always showed her kids tough-love and she was strict and overly-religious. Which was probably why Sophie sought affection from Bella. When Bella had just moved to the state in her late teens, she had stayed with Rose for a while. Rose having been about ten years older than she, already had young seven year old Sophie stumbling around. Rose and Jake's sister Rebecca probably only had that in common with each other. Besides the fact that they detested each other.

Sophie would always go to Bella first, growing up and even as an adult. She valued her opinions and thoughts more than anyone else's, including her mother. She was her favorite aunt and second mother. She loved her and her children.

She was Bella's first child in a way. When her Bella had had her son, she had been in her teens by then and used her allowance to buy inexpensive but immensely sweet gifts for newborn Riley. She had spoiled Bella's future kids when she grew up. She loved her mom but she had also sometimes wished that Bella was her mom.

Her younger brother, Rodrick or Ricky, had named Bella's daughter. He had suggested the name and Bella and Jake had loved it. Jake had heard about Bella going into labor and went to the hospital. He was there when Vicky was born. He had loved her from the moment she was born. He came home, he had changed.

He stopped drinking, he stop his abuse. Both verbal and physical. He ignored his family's meddling and twisting words. He got a job so Bella could drop her jobs and stay with their kids. He became a better father.

Eventually his family came around and became polite and friendly with Bella. Though she played nice, she would always hate them. She forgave them but promised herself to never forget.

Rachel lived in her home town near her parents with her younger children, her older children already grown and living with their families. Bella loved this sweet and tough woman, she just wished she lived closer. Canada was too far and expensive for frequent visits. But Goderich was such a beautiful town.

Jake was Native-American descent. But his family was Canadian, ironically enough. His Great-grandfather had fled to Canada for safety when the 'Americans' started banishing Native-Americans from their rightfully owned land to reservations.

Bella missed her parents, she loved her parents whole-heartedly. They lived in Italy though. And if if was too hard to visit Canada, Italy was impossible and it saddened her. Bella and her siblings were Italian immigrants. She was young when she arrived in America and adapted to the language, though her accent was still there when she spoke english. It was quite strong when she was angry. With her siblings she spoke nothing but Italian. Except for when something would take her by surprise would curse words slip out in english.

With her kids, husband, his family and her few friends she spoke english. Though her kids and husband were well-versed in Italian.

Riley and Vicky had spent time with their grandparents, Charlie and Renee. Whom they warmly referred to as Ma and Pa. Riley spent a summer in Italy when he was fifteen and grew extremely close with them. He refused to go back home.

Charlie was a softy, he was sweet and soft-spoken. He was a man who loved his wife and his children and wore his heart on a sleeve. He had a soft-spot for Bella. She was the only one of all of his kids who stayed with them. All his other kids had taken off as soon as they were old enough. Only his eldest son Aro, had stayed in Italy with them. He took care of them and he joined the Polizia. He was proud that his son was a Poliziotto, like he had been. But worried incessantly, he knew how dangerous it was.

Caius, Marcus and Demetri had all took off to America along with their sisters Rosalie and Angela. While his boys left just to get away from their parents, his girls had left for better education and job opportunities and also for a better life. It hurt to have to part with them.

Bella, Alice and Alec were his youngest. Alec was irresponsible and caused trouble at school. Alice was the wild child always sneaking out at night to go to parties and dances with Alec and his friends. Renee always said that ladies didn't attend dances. They had to cook and clean and go to church. Alice always scoffed and would run off in the middle of the night, only to come home to a furious Renee with a belt in hand. Charlie would step in, not wanting Renee to continue hitting her. Alec got hit also, for letting Alice tag along and not demanding she stay home. Bella was obedient and quiet, learning from her siblings' mistakes.

She was sweet and kind and shy as a little girl. He remembered her as his little singer. He had encouraged her when she said she wanted to be a famous singer when she was eight. He hated to see her punished by her mother. He loved his wife and never yelled or even raised his voice a decible.

Except for one day when Bella was eleven. She had just finished her chores even though she was sick. She refused to take the medicine her mother offered her, saying it made her feel worse. So Renee had declared that if she wasn't sick enough to want medicine she could go ahead and do all the chores that needed to be done. Bella did as she was told for she knew the consequences would be hell. Renee had returned from the grocery store and inspected everything on Bella's chore list. Renee saw that her dishes weren't as clean as she liked them to be and went for the belt. Charlie entered a moment later holding the groceries to see Bella huddled by the sink with her head down as Renee walked out of the bedroom belt in hand.

_"Che cosa hai intenzione di fare con quella cintura in mano?" Bella remembered he had questioned as he placed the groceries on the kitchen table. She had looked up and saw his eyes narrowing._

_"Io vado a insegnare una lezione a tua figlia." Renee has said off-handedly as she snapped the belt._

_"Perché! Lei ha fatto nulla di male!" He said urgently._

_"Le stoviglie non sono pulite abbastanza!" She snapped back nearing Bella._

_Bella whimpered a bit not wanting to be hit but knowing running would be futile it would only make it worse. She remembered her dad's eyes flashing towards her worriedly._

_Renee advanced on Bella and Charlie raced forward and grabbed Renee's wrist just as she had raised it and the belt._

_"No! Io non vi permetterà di colpire nostra figlia. Io ti ha colpito se lo fai." He raged, his face furious._

_Both Bella and Renee's jaws dropped. Charlie had done two things he had never done before. He had raised his voice and threatened to hit Renee. Baffled and miffed Renee had retracted her hand back and left the room without another word. Charlie had turned and cradled Bella in his arms._

_"Ti amo, la mia piccola Isabella. Io ti proteggerò, la mia piccola cantante." He had whispered as Bella sniffled and hugged him tighter. "Ti amo papà." He had kissed the top of her head._

That had been one of her favorite memories of her Dad. One of many that she liked to tell her kids about, long after her beloved dad had passed away.

Renee was a strict, tough-love, old-fashioned, extremely religious woman. Her oldest daughters didn't fall far from the tree. Bella could never hate her. Sure, she recieved many whippings but she had taught her to survive on her own. She taught her to be independent, to hold her head up high, to clean, to cook, to always do her best and expect better. Bella had great respect for her mother. She loved her because she was her mom. And missed her the most when she needed guidance, because at least when her mom was around she knew what to do.

Victoria had also stayed with her Ma Renee and her Pa Charlie that same summer when she was nine. When the grandkids were around tough-love Renee was nowhere to be found, she was a doting grandmother and Charlie was his usual sweet and loving self. He taught Riley to fish and Vicky to swim. Renee taught Vicky how to cook and wash her clothes. She made sure Riley learned how to cook at least three meals. She didn't want him to be unable to fend for himself. She had cried herself silly when it was time to leave.

Vicky hated her grandparents on her father's side. As far as she knew she only had two grandparents, Ma Renee and Pa Charlie. Grandpa William and Grandma Sarah didn't exist to her. When she was younger she had went to Canada with her dad and his family ignored her and spoiled her cousins. They left her out and she had never felt so alone. She was so anxious to get home and when she finally saw her mom waiting with Riley who was holding their three year-old sister Nessie, she ran into Bella's arms crying and pleading to never be forced to go back.

It broke Bella's heart to see her normally put together and happy child so terribly sad and broken. She had crouched to hold her daughter better and glared at Jacob over the top of Vicky's head. He had shrugged not knowing what had Vicky so offended. He was completely oblivious to anything wrong his family had done.

The Blacks' had made a terrible mistake that summer. They made their way to the very top of Vicky's 'You're dead to me' list. From that moment on Vicky refused to acknowledge them. She grew to be a very level-headed, kind and warm-hearted girl. She was the voice of reason at home and she was incredibly intelligent and earned many awards. She studied spanish and learned some cambodian words from one of her very best friends Samantha who went by Sammy, she was Cambodian. Vicky was her family's translator and she was the kid that made her family proud. She was very charasmatic and never had trouble with finding friends no matter where they moved. Both her dad and mom's side loved her. She was a people-person and you couldn't help but love her.

Obviously having been gushed to about her from their kids and other grandkids, William and Sarah tried to smooth things over with her. William had never been mean or disrespectful to Bella or her kids. He had always told them to stop their rudeness. Bella held nothing against him. But to Vicky he might as well have ignored her too, seeing as he didn't do much to put a stop to the mean comments or showing her affection. They were hoping that she was too young to remember how they had treated her. They wanted to get to know Victoria. But she was the wrong person to cross, once was enough to get on her bad side.

She never saw or spoke to them again. With the exception of when she was fourteen. She had been quiet and reclusive then, still not quite over the death of her beloved Ma Renee. She had went to Italy with her mom, Nessie who was eight and little Bree who was three, for her grandma's funeral. Most of her mom's family had flown in and stayed at Ma and Pa's house. Bella was devastated, she was now an orphan. Nessie wanted to cry because she too loved and would miss her Ma Renee, but she cried because she never got chance to complete the promise she made her Ma Renee over the phone. To finally meet her face-to-face and bake a cake with her.

Ma was buried next to Pa, who had died two years previously of lung Cancer. Only Bella and one year old Bree had flew out, they couldn't afford another ticket and Bree was free. Riley and Vicky were devastated, Nessie cried because she didn't want her mom to go. Buried on the other side of Ma Renee was Uncle Aro, who had died on the job. He was shot down during a rogue drug deal.

After the funeral, Jake had surprised them by booking them a trip to Canada. Telling them to go see his parents. Bella went begrudgingly and Vicky was furious. Nessie was excited to see her other grandparents but still down about her grandma's funeral and also because her favorite twin cousins had gone back to home to New York with their mom, Alice. Nessie was sad she couldn't spend more time with them.

Junior and Ryan were only a year and seven months older than her. She was eight and the twins were almost ten. A few days before their grandma's funeral, they had been at their Great Aunt Carmen's little ranch, Great Aunt Carmen was their Ma Renee's older sister. Ma Renee had been in her late seventies when she died. Carmen was a tall and kind woman with more wrinkles on her face than they could count. They had had so much fun on her ranch, they rounded up the dogs and cut holes in plastic trash bags and dressed the biggest dogs in them. White for the girl and black for the boy. They had hooked their leashes on and they all marched down the garden with thw twins humming the wedding march loudly and Nessie singing a song she had heard from the other kids at school.

'Here comes the bride, all fat and wide. Here comes the Groom, skinny as a broom. Here comes the Usher, the old toilet flusher." They had brought the entire sad and gloomy family a few moments of joy and laughter. A memory most of them would cherish and tell at future family gatherings as a playful jab at the growing teen trio. Their reactions were always the same the bashful blushing, covering of the face and shy laughs. Nessie had been a skin tone darker than the twins' pale one because of her father's side, so she looked less like a tomato than the twins. The tips of their ears would burn bright red.

They no longer lived in New York having moved across the country to Arizona six months prior. Riley, Vicky and Nessie all cried when they moved. They left behind their family, friends, most of their things and their dog they had grown up with.

They moved a few months after 9/11. Jake said it was because he didn't want his family around the danger of terrorist attacks and just because New York was a dangerous city that he had always hated. He said that he didn't want his kids to be influenced by the gangs. They didn't believe him at all. He just wanted to move closer to his family. Who all happened to live in Arizona minus his younger brother, two of his older sisters and his parents.

Vicky had been silent at the Blacks'. She didn't say a word to them from the moment she arrived to the moment she left a week later. William and Sarah were happy to see their grandkids, even Bella. Nessie never having been mistreated by either grandparent held nothing against them. She stuck to her grandfather's side the moment she got there. She never did anything her grandma expected. Her grandma Sarah was like her Ma Renee in the old-fashioned sense. She too, was raised that a woman's place is in the kitchen.

Nessie was anything but a follower. She had refused to do anything kitchen-wise or wear dresses. She liked getting dirty and following her grandpa around. Growing up, Bella saw that Nessie hated sexist and chauvanistic men. She knew that was the after-effect of having a family full of them combined with the fact that Nessie was strong-willed and refused to bow down to anyone's demands.

Nessie admired her older sister. They were both very close minding the six year age difference. There were very few people who didn't like her, and those were the ones that had made their way to her bad side. Nessie knew her sister very well. Vicky was flighty and never liked to stay in one place too long. She had been in a relationship with a guy named James for seven years.

She had met him when she was fifteen, he was seventeen at the time. At first, she hadn't liked him because he tried to hard and if Vicky hated anything it was being kept. She hated being badgered about where she was. She dated many guys, she was beautiful and she knew it. She never had trouble in the dating department. She never liked serious relationships and she got bored of the guys she dated fairly quickly. But James ran her down and eventually swept her off her feet.

Nessie had thought he was nice enough. Looks can be decieving. He was thrown in jail for something his friend did and he took the blame, the same year he got together with Vicky. He was there for the most part of his relationship with Vicky, which is probably why she stayed with him. Why kick him when he's down? In the future Nessie had wished her sister had ended it there.

There wasn't one thing that the sister's didn't know about the other. Which was a good thing and bad. Good because she knew. Bad because there was nothing she could do to help, her sister had sworn her to secrecy knowing how her family got. When Vicky was twenty and James' had been released, they moved a few states away. Nessie had been wary of James for a while by then, not liking the way he spoke to her sister. She had accidentally overheard him speaking to her sister and immediately Nessie had bristled. She hated his tone and his words.

You just didn't speak to people that way. Nessie tried everything she could think of to get her sister to reconsider moving in with him.

He's not good enough for you.

He has no education, nor does he want one.

He doesn't have a job.

He's taking you away from us.

He's mean to you...

But nothing worked. Nessie wasn't a meddler. She lived by certain mottos. 'I can't tell you it's not my story to tell.' and 'It's your decision not mine.' and her favorite 'A clean space is a happy place.' She was a bit of an OCD clean freak, who felt the need to organize everything, and was an avid spelled and grammar nazi.

She never liked to stick her nose where it didn't belong unless she had to. She didn't like telling people what to decide on and she hated spreading other peoples' business. she was a highly opinionated person, but never said anything unless she wanted to. She would always defend a person when she saw that they needed defending. She was traumatized when she was thirteen by the death of her cousin and had seperation anxiety.

So even when she was mad at a member of her family, she pushed aside the angry feeling to let them know to be safe and that she loved them. If she didn't she would spend her time worrying incessantly and having panic attacks as the worse case scenarios flipped through her mind like TV channels.

She hugged her sister tightly and told her to be safe and that she loved her and that she would miss her. Though the sisters fought and argued and teased and talk total shit to each other, they loved each other immensely. They had a very strong bond. When Nessie had hit her growth spurt and shot up leaving her at a whopping five foot five she had resorted to calling her older sister a variety of nicknames that poked fun at her height. It was the one thing that Vicky hated. She was very adamant about her height.

Vicky wasn't five foot two. She was five foot two _and a half._ Really. It bugged her if you said otherwise. Which Nessie couldn't pass up the chance of. She loved getting Vicky peeved.

Nessie knew that something would happen while Vicky lived with James. She just didn't know when. Vicky became suffocated and smothered. James was always around and always hounding her. He picked at every little thing she did. He put her down, he apologized then proceeded to do it again the next day. Vicky didn't have any alone time, no time to escape him or his words. Eventually the verbal abuse escalated and Nessie hated it. She hated that she could do nothing for her sister. It was her parent's story all over again.

Things got worse and worse. Nessie and Vicky had frequent phone time. It was Vicky's only time to vent and get everything out. Nessie noticed that somewhere along the way the real Vicky got lost. Months later when they all went to visit Vicky at her apartment, they were not happy with what they saw. Jake's eyes narrowed as he inspected the place. It wasn't good enough for his daughter.

Bella's eyes narrowed at the mark on Vicky's neck that Vicky tried to conceal with her hair. Bree skipped around the apartment and plopped down on the couch to watch a movie that was on that she liked. She had her Yorkie, Fudge and the family's surrogate nephew/grandson who had tagged along, Jason, on the couch next to her.

Nessie's eyes scrutinized everything from the mark on her sister's neck, to the bags under her eyes, to her undyed her, to her chipped nails, to her clothing, to her dim eyes and forced smile, to around the apartment all the way to James chatting with her dad. Her eyes settled on him as she unleashed her glare.

It was his fault. Her sister wasn't happy, like James had promised. She wasn't pampered, like she always was. Vicky always got her hair done every few weeks, always trying different styles. She was always shopping and buying new clothes, always at the top of her fashion game. Her nails were redone every two weeks. Her eyesbrows retouched once a week. Her eyes were always bright and shining, along with the warm smile. This wasn't the Vicky she knew.

Nessie was pissed. And as soon as James left to go to work Nessie pulled Vicky aside and let her know how pissed she was. They had stayed for a week and Nessie let it be known to everyone how much she hated James. Not even two weeks later after they returned home had her sister called, crying and broken and wanting to come home.

A family friend had agreed to stay with Nessie and Bree while Jacob and Bella drove down to help Vicky pack up her stuff and move her back home. She and James were done. She loved him but he was no good for her. He had broken her happy spirit far too badly.

Vicky had stayed at home for two months and even got a job. Then a visiting uncle and cousin from New York appeared and she saw an oppotunity. To escape. To get away from James' family. One week later she was living at her aunt's house in Brooklyn.

Nessie missed her but knew it was better for her sister out there. And so continued her sister's flightiness. She dipped at the first sign of serious commitment.

Bree was the sweet over-sensitive child. Her father's mistake caused her to lose her best friend. She was shy and quiet and liked to blend into the background. She never cursed, which in her family was odd. She, like her older sisters, excelled in school. Nessie had a suspicion that Bree would grow up to be a prude. And she definitely didn't want that for her. Nobody ever paid her much attention to her. She was the baby and was spoiled rotten. She loved getting new things, she loved toys. Up until she turned twelve she had played with dolls.

Bree, like Vicky, loved kids. Nessie on the other hand couldn't stand them. Riley had one of his own so he could say that he hated all kids except his own. His sisters all agreed that his son, Andrew, was the best thing that ever happened to him.

Riley, If one was to describe him in one word, crazy. Maybe childish would work better. After all that he had been through from when he was a baby all the way into adulthood, had destroyed his view of the world. He thought very highly of himself and was basically an annoying asshole. Nessie really couldn't stand him. They butt heads a lot. The had the same temper that they had gotten from their father. The angry tension raised higher and higher when Vicky left. She had been the mediator who calmed things down, when their spats got out of control.

Bella loved all her children. They were all very different from the other. Once was rude, one was outgoing, one was selfish, one was sensitive. Everbody always commented on how Riley and Nessie looked nothing like their parents.

They always commented on how Vicky and Bree looked like their father. This always led to the good-natured "You're Adopted." teasing between the siblings. It was rare that they'd get a person who would comment on Riley and Nessie looking just like Bella. Those made Bella the happiest. But she knew they all had their father's nose, except for Bree, who was lucky.

Riley and Nessa held most of Bella's worry. She worried because of their tempers. If anyone had any question as to who fathered them, their hotheads would prove their paternity. Jacob was for sure a hot-headed man. The smallest things could set them off and there would be no calming or peep made towards them. It was better to let them get it out, let the rage wave die. She knew they were a danger to themselves and those around them when they were set off.

When truly angry they went berserk, not caring who was in the way, just knowing that they shouldn't be. Riley had snapped several times because of Vicky. He had lunged at her and slammed her against the wall, raising her a few feet off the floor by the throat, when she had accidentally provoked him. It took Nessie and Jake's shoving to get him to let go. Jake had roughly shoved him into the garage and smacked him before locking him outside, to cool off. Nessie had cursed Riley out and belittled him. It was what she did best.

Nessie had been set off by an unknowing Bree. Nessie couldn't remember what Bree had done that set her off in the first place but the next thing she knew, she was seeing red and grabbed Bree's head and slammed it into the wall. Only seconds after, did she realize what she had done. She began to shake from her holding back her tears. She reached for Bree who recoiled, but she pressed on and hugged her tightly. She apologized over and over and over and promised to never do it again. Bree being the kind little girl that she was forgave her quickly. And said that it was okay and that she knew she didn't mean to do it. "It was an accident. It's okay, Nessie. I'm fine, see?" She had said, desperately trying to console her big sister.

Everyone came running into the hallway as soon as they could. They stopped at the sight of a crying Nessie who was backing away and shaking her head and Bree who immediately dropped her hand from where it was holding her head, not wanting to get Nessie in trouble. Bella's eyes had grown fearful at Nessie before running over to Bree.

"Oh, Ness. You okay, Bree?" Vick had said sadly, while running towards Bree.

Riley ran forward and tugged Nessie back and shoved her against the wall demanding to know what she did. She continued to shake her head in denial of what she had done as her thoughts tormented her. "I'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry."

Jacob had inspected Bree's head and frowned when Bree flinched as he gently prodded her head. He looked over at where Riley was keeping Nessie and glared at her.

"I'll deal with you later. Now get to your room." Nessie sniffled and whispered a broken sorry before running to her room and staying there for the rest of the day. That was one Halloween she would never forget.

Bree and the rest of her family had forgiven her. But Nessie would never forgive herself for hurting her. Big sisters protect little sisters. That was how it worked. As much as Nessie hated it, it wasn't the last time she had let her rage hurt her. It wasn't only Bree, but many times it was.

Nessie was a different person at school and around friends. It was the only way of keeping herself out of trouble. Once her raged peaked, her control was out of her hands.

Once upon a time Riley and Nessie were close. Her older brother was her hero and she tagged along with him. Everywhere Riley went, Nessie went, despite the ten-year age difference. Now they couldn't be in the same room for more than a few minutes before they were at each other's throats, hating the other with everything they had in them. Constantly fighting, and it escalating to the point where they degraded each other

and started breaking things. Insulting the other so badly that they felt lower than dirt. Jacob always had to step in to stop their fights or one of them would get hurt, badly.

And it wasn't going to be stronger, six foot two, fueled with rage, Riley.

Nessie was stubborn and refused to back down when she was challenged. Which always got her into dangerous situations. She had quick wit and a smart mouth, which was her best weapon. She put people down with her words, because in her fits of rage, she didn't care about anyone.

Bella knew Nessie was selfish. Nessie, herself, had admitted it. But Bella refused to see it. When Nessie was a baby, she was the sweetest and shyest of all her kids. She was so warm-hearted and a happy kid who had a soft spot for animals. Bella refused to believe that her daughter's heart of gold had hardened and grown cold.

Jacob's infidelity had caused Nessie's rebelling. He had caught her smoking when she was fourteen and punished her for it. He promised her that was he to catch her doing it again she would be so very sorry. Nessie of course ignored his warning and continued.

That summer she went to New York with her sister, where she drank and went to parties and did things she knew her father would have beat her senseless for had he been there.

Growing up Nessie had always been somewhat of a Daddy's girl. But when she caught him being unfaithful to her mom when she was thirteen, all hell had broke loose. She, her mom, Bree and Vicky had just returned from an emotionally exhausting trip in New York because of her cousin's death. It had crushed her entire family and left them all a whole in their heart where Sophie had been.

Sophie very much like Vicky, was loved bby everyone because she was that one person with the infectous smile and happy-go-lucky attitude. She was the sweetest woman one could have ever met. The doctors had caught it too late, the cancer had spread, but she was a fighter. Three months after finding out she had one of the most curable cancers, she died. The cancer had won and her family was left in pieces. Her two young sons weren't the only ones in the hospital room that night February crying their hearts out.

They had lost their mom, Bella and Rose had lost a daughter, Her siblings had lost their sister, Her husband had lost his wife. Everyone else had lost her, and she had lost her life.

Nessie grew suspicious of Bree's best friend Maya's mom always coming around. She had never liked the woman, not even when she first met her. There was something about her that rubbed her the wrong way. One day Nessie had a pep rally at school, the students were allowed to go home if they hadn't wanted to attend, so she went home an hour earlier than usual. As she neared her house she saw Maya's mom's pickup parked in front of the driveway. Nessie tilted her head to the side and mentally went through her mom's schedule.

As soon as she went through it twice to make sure, she was angry so she unlocked the door and marched right up to the kitchen where she could hear _Camila_ laughing along with her father.

Her father was utterly surprised to see her home so early. He asked her what she was doing home. She ignored him and bent down to release her dog from his cage. There was only one reason he was put away and that reason was because the woman had brought her two sons, they were insanely scared of her dog. Nessie had always despised those two little boys. They would kick at her dog if he got to close and once had injured him. From then on Nessie held a grudge, plus she just didn't like kids.

"Get 'em, boy." She whispered and the dog ran off growling and suddenly the house erupted with little boy screams as they tried to get away. Nessie laughed and ignored when her father told her to go after Fudge and put him away. "Nah, he wants to play." She had grinned maliciously before turning towards Camila who was standing there still as a statue.

Nessie narrowed her eyes once she saw that her dad was shirtless and freshly showered and Camila and he were standing rather too close for her liking on the other side of the kitchen island.

"What are you doing here? My mom's at work. You shouldn't be here when she's not here." Camila opened her mouth to reply but Jacob cut her off. "I can have friends, Nessie."

Again, Nessie ignored him. "Why are you here?" She demanded, stepping closer.

"Calm down, Nessie." Her fathered warned, Nessie glared.

"I came over because I was going to pick up Bree from school and take her over to my house for a while. Maya's been asking me forev-" She had said, avoiding Nessie's eyes.

"Yeah? Then why the hell are you here three fucking hours before she even gets out of school!" Nessie had dropped her backpack on the floor and slammed her palms onto the counter.

"Why the hell are you freshly showered and shirtless? You never take showers in the afternoon and I know you have some fucking decency to put on a goddamn shirt when we have company!" Nessie was shaking with rage, as she shouted at her father. Camila, never having witnessed Nessie angry before, was terrifed.

"Why aren't you answering my fucking questions? They're not hard. Are you both too stupid to answer? Why aren't you looking me in the eye! And why the fuck are you still here! I'm going to tell my mom about this." She whipped out her cellphone as her dad protested.

"So, Camila's at the house. She was here before I got home, I have no idea how long she's been here...Yup, and dad's shirtless. And this fucking _slut_ is _still_ standing too motherfucking close to him! I'll call Riley and Vicky, i'll deal with this, mom. I just wanted to let you know. Bye, love you too." She called Vicky and had her threeway with Riley and told them exactly what she had told Bella, before turning back towards them.

"kay, so mom knows now. And Riley and Vicky are pissed. And I know I'm pissed. Oh, and don't you even dare think for one minute that I forgot about our little phonecall not a month ago. 'Get off the phone, it's my friend Brandon." She mimicked her father.

"Yeah, okay." She growled saracasticly. "I'm not stupid. It wasn't Brandon, this slut's husband. It was the slut! I was on the phone for the better half of your fucking disgusting-ass conversation. Dad, you so lucky I didn't tell Riley about that pretty little phonecall. Who knows what he would have done!" She laughed darkly. Camila was rigid and looked petrified.

"Hey, so Camila how opposed are you to- no. Nevermind. I think I better show you instead." Nessie said giddily marching into the living room where Camila's sons were huddled on the couch away from her Yorkie. Fudge, was sitting in front of the couch staring unblinkingly at the boys. Nessie had told her dog to stay and she got the boys off the couch.

"Run," She grinned before marching over to the front door and opening it wide and ordering fudge to chase after them. The boys screamed and ran for the backdoor and both fell back when Nessie's pitbull jumped against the sliding door and barked. They scrambled up and ran for the front door while Camila screamed about everything.

Nessie ran up to her, feeling all of her hatred for the woman fill her and let her rage take over. Jacob yelled before she striked but it was too late. Nessie had punched her in the face then grabbed her by the hair and dragged her to the door. Camila tried to get loose so Nessie punched her side then shoved her harshly outside.

"Come back and I won't be the only one after you." She promised then slammed the door.

"Nessie, what the fuck!" Jacob growled, stomping up the stairs after her.

Nessie bent to pick up fudge and went to her room. "Don't talk to me, I hate you. I cant believe you. Don't even try to lie to me, you suck at lying. How could you do this to mom, especially after what she's been through. She just lost Sophie and now you go and do this? Fuck you, I hate you. Leave me the fuck alone. Oh, and I will fuck up your little whore next time." She slammed the door in his face.

Her mom was broken and had been ever since Sophie's death. This was the icing on the cake. She cried, and screamed and broke stuff and Nessie huddled next to Bree to stop her crying. Vicky tried to hold her mom and calm her down, even though all she wanted to do was go after that whore and kill her. Riley was thinking along the same lines, except it was his dad he was picturing. He even smiled at his dad, who looked baffled until he saw the look on Riley's face behind the smile. Then his face paled.

They all gave their dad the silent treatment, and ignored his requests and his demands. He was just a part of the wall. They acted as if he wasn't there, but when they looked at him they looked at him as if he was gum on their shoe.

Bree tried to be mad and she was to some extent. She had just lost her best friend. Poor kids, it wasn't their fault that bitch was a slut. She was a kid who didn't understand anything else other than the fact that she wasn't able to see her best friend again. She was the only one who still spoke to her dad.

Riley's now ex and baby's mom had been living with them at the time with newborn Andrew. She loved Bella and Jacob, they were great. But when Riley told her what happened, she lost all her respect for the man she sweetly called 'Dad' and rose to Bella's defense. She called her 'Mom'.

She called up one of her old friends and had him vandalize Camila's car. She was giddy for week about it.

He swallowed his stupid pride a week later and called a family meeting. They all huddled around their mom on one side of the bedroom and glared at him. He groveled, and cried and apologized and promised that it would never happen again.

It had made Riley and Vicky cry to know that it was true, that he had cheated. Bree cried because Bella was crying. Nessie was leaning on the wall as far away as possible from her dad with her arms crossed over her chest and a scowl on her face.

They had all forgiven him. Nessie had called them idiots in her head. When she told her dad she forgave him, she lied. She hated him. She didn't trust him either.

Riley threatened to beat him if he ever hurt his mom again. Vicky cried to get it all out, her relationship with her dad now tainted, she no longer thought the world of her dad. Bella never forgave him either, though she said she did. She grew wary of his actions and paranoid about his phonecalls. Nessie just stopped caring.

She was cold and distant with him. She disrespected him and ignored him when he told her to do something. That was when she started acting out. She told Vicky that she couldn't help it. She loathed him and she couldn't hold it in.

Three years later Bella was tired of everything. She was just so done.

Her son was twenty-seven, still living at home and in a dysfunctional relationship with yet another girl he thought for sure was, The One. He had the mentality of a child. He also had a lack of a brain filter and so the way he said things always came out worse than how he meant them. Sometimes it came out exactly as he wanted it to but the reactions he got were always bad. Because the things he thought were funny or clever others thought insensitive, rude, or cruel. He never could connect well with others, he barely connected with the friends he had. They were usually the people he should stay away from, but never did. They always got him into trouble and at twenty-seven his family was more than ready for him to grow up and stop his child-like antics. He was so happy on New Years and his girlfriend had been smiling pretty wide too.

Vicky had asked why and he said proudly "I stayed out of Jail for an entire year!" which sadly enough was a great accomplishment for him. That hadn't happened since he was eighteen. He was always being thrown in for some reason. Sometimes for long periods of time other times for a few days. He had proposed to his current girlfriend and she had accepted happily. Though everyone was worried, Riley always put his whole heart on the line. He wore his heart on his sleeve and treated his girlfriends like they were queens but he was ruled by his jealousy. They were great when they were good. But when they fought it was like World War III. Eventually the time would come when the girl that he was with just couldn't take his shit anymore and they would put an end to it. Riley would run out the house and disappear for hours, he would get in his car and speed off. It was how he vented and tried to pick up his heart's broken pieces. When he would return he would lock himself in his room, then he would call his sisters in and vent some more. Raging and angry and hurt. What had he seen in them? They were bitches. They were just using me. They didn't love me. He would growl as he paced and punched walls. The sisters would share a look and sigh softly, knowing that yet again their brother had put everything he was and had into the relationship his jealousy destroyed.

"Another one bites the dust. What girlfriend number was that, Ri? Twenty-two?" Nessie would innappropriately joke and laugh. Riley would glare, Vicky and Bree would slap hands to her mouth, and Nessie's eyes would widen realizing belatedly what she had just said. "She doesn't mean it, Ri! You know Nessie's stupid, just like Bailey was. She was a hag anyway, you could do so much better." Knowing Vicky didn't mean it and was actually trying to save Nessie from Riley's wrath, she wouldn't take offense and nod eagerly.

Three of the four siblings shared the lack of brain filter. Bree was the only one who seemed to have a working one.

Bella had given up on her son finding The One, the _real_ One. The family was waiting for Seanna to get fed up with Riley and leave him. They were so used to this cycle, they were already anticipating the end of the relationship and Hurricane Riley. His relationship with Seanna wasn't the longest one or most dysfunctional one he's had, but it was still pretty bad. His longest and most dysfunctional had been with Jacey, who was also the mother of his only son. They had gotten pregnant with Andrew during their third year together. They had been together for four years.

They really were great together. They had all loved Jacey and considered her a part of the family. Another daughter and sister to love. But of course Riley ruined it, though he wasn't the only one. He pushed her too far and she left him for one of his friends and took his son with her. That was when the monster in Riley had broke free. He had loved her and he loved his son and they left. They had taken his car keys and locked him in the garage. They didn't know what he was truly capable of, especially when it was his son involved and they didn't want to find out. He only saw his son maybe twice a year. His son was the best thing about Riley and he knew it. It brought Riley to tears when his now three year old son had been brought to visit him and cried and clawed to get away from him, not recognizing his own dad. He tried to climb up into his mother's arms, and she tried her best to console and wrap her arms around him with her very pregnant belly. Gone, was the nice girl they once knew and in her place was a new malicious and bitter Jacey. Andy had cried and bawled for his 'Daddy Matt' which was Jacey's new boyfriend/ baby's dad. That was what broke Riley and everyone knew it. Their heads had all snapped to Riley's face as Andy said those words and his face crumpled. Seanna had glowered at Jacey and shoved past her with Riley. Seanna had been so excited with Riley about having his son come visit only for the trip to be ruined by Jacey. Everyone had looked at Jacey's triumphant smirk and shook their heads, agressively asking her to leave. Her smirk had fell and she had apologized not knowing why she had tried to hurt him. Vicky was furious, and had all but pushed her out. She leaned down to give a now calm Andy a hug and kiss on the cheek, he had even gone around giving everyone hugs. He somehow remembered his aunts and grandparents. But his father had been forgotten. Which pained Bella

Vicky had always been the rebel. She left big shoes to fill for Nessie, who always tried her best to fill them. Vicky did what she wanted when she wanted. She took off with her friends, she drank, she partied, she stole, she got piercings, she had snark and the blase attitude. She was the fun girl everyone wanted to know. The girl everyone wanted to be around. She was the one that caused Jake most of his health problems. If Vicky loved anything besides her family, it was drinking. Like father, like daughter. That was one thing Jake absolutely loathed. It was Vicky's birth that had made him put an end to his drinking. He had been sober since the day she was born. Ironically, it was her favorite thing in the world. She was the wild child of the family and she lived up to that name proudly.

Her relationship with her dad was back to normal. She would always be a daddy's girl. She had forgiven him but she used it as a weapon to attack him with whenever she deemed necessary. Though she had many friends her age, she mainly hung out with people older than her. She loved kids, she was the 'Baby Whisperer' as her family playfully named her. Since most of her friends had kids, she was always around them. Her best friend had three boys that she thought of as her nephews becasue she's known them all since they were in the belly. She spoiled them rotten. Jason was six, Gabe, was three and Gavin was a year old. She loved kids but she just didn't know if she was ready to have her own. She liked the idea of playing and chatting with them but then returning to their parents when she was tired.

Vicky was flighty. She fled from everything serious. It scared her. James had made her that way. Vicky didn't want to go through what her mom had been through. Vicky dated but never let it get too serious, no matter how sweet the guys were. She would break it off immediately when they would start texting her where she was or who she was with or if they could come over. It reminded her of James and she was determined of never letting herself be trapped in a relationship. This time she would fight back. She would never again allow anybody to lay a hand on her. Riley swore that if he ever saw James, he would bring a metal bat to his face. Vicky had become the one in the relationship calling the shots. She wouldn't allow anybody to tell her what to do, especially not the guy she was dating. Vicky had never lost her self-confidence, and that was soemthing that Nessie and Bree had always admired about her. She knew she was beautiful no matter what anybody said. She would never forget who she was and where she came from. Vicky became very well-acquainted with the many different types of liquor afterwards. Her cousin Jessica had always been there to drag her back to her aunt's apartment. Jess always there to take care of Vicky, for that Nessie was grateful. She still wished her sister would come home. But then again, Nessie would be going off to college in a little over a year. She was hoping she would get in to NYU, and she had asked Vicky if she could live with her while she attended school there. Vicky was ecstatic at the idea and agreed immediately. Nessie vowed to help her sister heal. Nessie vowed to get her revenge on James for the damage he had caused.

Nessie had always been a dreamer. She wanted to be a Vet, an Actress, a Doctor, a Firefighter, a Cop, a Writer, a Director, she wanted to live in the park or maybe in the pond. She would always take walks with her mom in the park, holding her hand and skipping and squealing over the cute little squirrels chasing eachother around. Once she saw her mother sad, sitting on the couch in their tiny apartment in New York, she marched up to her with the most determination that she could muster told her to be happy because one day when she was famous and rich she would buy her a mansion with everything she could ever want in it. Because only the best mommies in the world deserved everything they wanted.

She would ride on her dad's shoulders and pick the sweet blackberries from the tall trees at the end of their block. She was a happy kid. Everything and anything could make her happy. Bella missed that the most whenever she saw her angry teenager. She wished she could turn back time to when her daughter was happy and open. She loved movies, she loved reading, she loved letting herself get lost in them. She loved imagining what it would be like to live in the worlds' that the books and movies would create. She was an animal-lover, and she was a bug-hater. She was a protector, she defended and stood up for people. She was an assertive and brave kid. Over the years that widdled down to nothing and soon she wanted nothing more than to fade into the background then maybe would everything bad overlook her and allow her to have peace. The world could be so, so cruel. She didn't trust it. She felt like it was only her family that was being attacked over and over by every force out there. Her family never had a moment to just breathe a sigh of relief, something was always wrong. But when she was a little girl, Bella remembered that Nessie always had a love for the world. She always saw the good in everything, even the rain, even the snow. She loved the rain and never understood how anybody could dislike it. Certain things would tug at Nessie's heartstrings and other things would push her buttons until she was angry. They were usually random but most times everybody could see why they caused her reactions.

Nessie became closed-off after what happened with her dad. She became more of a people-watcher. She liked watching other people interact and she liked being able to tell when some were lying. She was a good liar, she did it a lot. It was the best way to move away from something she didn't want to talk about. People didn't need to know anything. She had a friend though, a best friend. Who knew everything. It was tough being friends with her some days but she wouldn't ever want to let go of her. Because whether her best friend knew it or not, she saved Nessie from herself. She was the only friend that had ever came to her house, slept over, knew her family, knew her secrets, shared her interests and put up with her and her issues. She was so thankful to have her.

They moved around a lot, so she was always the new kid and never had many friends. She didn't have one long-term friend. She didn't have a friend that she had known or kept in contact for years. She was friendly but cautious, after a while her boldness went away and she became shy and reclusive. When she was younger though she only ever made friends with boys because she always was a bit of a tom-boy and boys were more fun to play with. Girls were boring to her and too sensitive for her sarcasm. She grew up around a lot of boys. Her dad, her uncles, her cousins and her brother and his friends. She always liked being around the men in her life because they were more fun, they liked getting dirty and running around and playing fun games. Her lack of filter and sensitivity kind of made her out to be a rude kid, but she wasn't. Well, she didn't mean to be. As she got older she didn't like being the center of attention, she never did. She never wanted to stand out and have all eyes focused on her. She never initiated anything, the other person would have to make the first move, she did whatever she could to blend in. She didn't want unnecessary drama. But whenever she was truly ticked off did she lash out. She would never hold back her thoughts when tempted. Somewhere deep inside was that assertive and brave girl she now hid.

Nessie was slowly releasing her hatred. Her dad had been a great and loving dad the past two years. She was finally comfortable around him again. But everytime a woman walked by Nessie's anger peaked when she saw him trying to discreetly look their way. He would turn immediately away at Nessie's glare. She stood up for her mom against her dad's random verbal attacks. It hurt her to see her mom walking around looking so sad, so broken and so lost. She told her mom countless times to leave him. They didn't need him. It was her turn to be happy. 'She should do something for herself, do something she wanted to do; Be happy, stop worrying, stop letting everything wear you down, go home to New York (Italy hadn't been home for years, not after her parents died, anyway Bella had always loved New York) and visit your sister, talk to someone, let it out, don't let it eat away at you. I need you, Mom. You're strong and you've always been my hero. You've been through so much, but I can see your tough armor crumbling, You're unhappy, it's killing you. Please don't let it. I can't lose you too.' Nessie tried so hard to show this through her eyes. She could never find a way to get the words out. Bella would just shake her head and hug Nessie and walk off towards the kitchen, where she would spend her day cleaning every crevice, trying so hard to wave away her claustrophobia. This wasn't the life she wanted.

Nessie never let people in, afraid they would hurt her. She used her words to keep people at a safe distance. She hated people. They were all liars, and they were sneaky bastards. Their only purpose was to annoy you, betray you, hurt you. She couldn't stand them, she would much rather be alone. Nessie didn't believe in love. Maybe in the books and maybe in the movies. But not in real llife.

Her parents were married and had kids but they didn't love eachother. Her brother declared that he loved every girl he dated, he was on his tenth 'serious' girlfriend. Vicky 'loved' James and supposedly he loved her too, look where that got her. You don't hit the people you love, you just don't. She loved her sister but she hurt her. she loved her parents but belittled them and cursed at them when they made her angry. Her aunt Rebecca had four kids, two of her sons from the same dad and all three of the men hadn't stepped up to be a father. And you're supposed to love your kids. Love doesn't exist.

Marriage is a leash that ties you to a man/woman that you will fall out of 'love' soon enough.

The world had made Nessie wary of love. She was scared of it. Love brought pain. And she had enough pain in her lifetime, she didn't want anymore.

Bree was as happy as a kid could be at twelve. She dealt with preteen drama, and had a crush on a boy she had known since they were in third grade. Besides the fact that she had to witness her family get very violent in their disputes over the years, she was okay. She grew up around her dad's family and was really shy around her mom's family. She was a painfully shy kid which was the result of being left alone a lot. She was always alone. Nessie perferred to listen to music in her room than play with her. Nessie didn't have much patience and Bree was too scared to tempt her some days. It made Nessie feel bad at times when she saw her sister slinking away to her playroom, or tip-toeing quietly by her door so as to not disturb her. She also let people walk all over her, which Nessie and Vicky were trying to put a stop to. They didn't want anyone walking over her and were teaching her to be assertive. Bree had a great relationship with her dad, never actually understanding what happened when she was eight. Maybe she did understand. No one really brought it up with her. The only thing she was bummed about was the fact that she had to give up her friendship. She had thought of her best friend of another sister, they were that close. She was close with Vicky and favored her the most. Nessie was too playful, insensitive and always in her own world to give a shit about anything else. Bree was easily offended and tended to resort to tears or pinches when Nessie, unintentionally, got too mean. Riley was the same and he was never home. Vicky she could always rely on to have an open ear and good advice. She was sympathetic and kind and always comforted her.

Bella would come home sometimes from work in the worse mood. Hating every single thing in her life. Because she wasn't happy. She was jaded and angry. Jacob only made it worse. Some days, he was an attentive husband and father and other days he belittled her. He acted like he was big shit around his family and his kids and wife were his servants but Nessie was always quick to nip that in the bud and called him out on it every time.

Bella wanted to know where the hell her life had gone. Her life was half over, she had worked every single day of her life, all she wanted was a break. Her body ached, her kids were growing up two of them were already grown but still she worried they wouldn't be able to fend for themselves when she was gone. The world had not been kind to Bella Swan-Black. She felt so lonely all the time. She wanted someone to talk to, but she couldn't tell Nessie. She would get angry and attack her dad with her words. And Bella didn't want that.

Times like these made her miss her younger sister. It wasn't the same talking on the phone as it was talking face-to-face.

There were times when she wished her life would end because she was so tired and exhausted. She was waiting for the 'it gets better' part of the speeh Rachel would always tell her. She's been waiting for twenty-six years.

There were times when she liked to lay down in her empty bed, Jacob worked nights, and think about that gorgeous, tall man with wild, bronze colored hair and the emerald green eyes and the crooked, imperfect smile who would walk up to her everyday at work and give her a compliment then proceed to ask her out on a date.

The compliments weren't 'You're beautiful' or 'You have pretty eyes."

They were 'That blue sweater makes your skin glow beautifully." and "Today during lunch when you said Hello to me as I passed by, you had a piece of ham on your upper lip and some mayonnaise on the corner of your mouth but your smile still made me wish that you were mine."

He made her swoon. He was sweet and sincere. He was gorgeous and generous. He was Italian and Catholic as well. Her parents would have loved him. Any woman would have been lucky to have him. But in her twenty-one year old eyes, that woman wasn't her. She was hopelessly in love with Jacob.

After politely turning him down yet again for the fifteenth time. He had nodded and ducked his head. He sighed and looked up at her with a sad, small smile on his lips.

"Okay, I can't say that I didn't try. Jacob's a lucky man and I hope with all of my heart that he makes you happy, because I would have tried my best to make sure you were happy every single day that you were with me. You've made me very smitten with you. I've never chased after a woman this long, especially not after getting rejected so many times. But you were worth it."

He paused before shaking his head and clearing his throat. "I'm leaving and I won't bother you again, but I wanted to try one last time. I will miss you so very much. Please take care of yourself, Isabella. And know that I will never forget you and you'll always be my one regret. The one that got away, so to speak. Maybe I'll see you again someday, Bella. Goodbye." He grabbed her hand gently and kissed it. He walked towards the door and wrapped his scarf around his neck and tugged on his left glove.

He turned back and gave Bella one last parting smile, he tugged on his beanie and walked out the door.

That was the last Bella ever saw of her co-worker/admirer Edward Masen. It was over thirty years ago. She realized that he could have made her infinitely happy. He made her day brighter with his kind words. But even as she entertained the thoughts of her being happy with Edward Masen, she knew nothing would ever come of it. She had no idea what happened to Edward after that. She wished she knew. He deserved a happy life, he was one of the most kindest of men.

On especially hard days like today had been, Bella liked to lay in her bed and think of kind and gentle and gorgeous Edward Masen with his bright, shining, happy eyes. And wonder if he could have made her eyes sparkle like his did, had she given him the chance.

And wonder why the hell she never said yes.

**A/N: Hello again. First off, I'd like to say I hope you enjoyed it. Took me practically all day to write it. Don't believe me? Call my best friend, she'll vouch for me. :) If you want, let me know what you think about it. I'll reply (only if you want me to though. ;) )**

**I listened to Barcelona while writing this. They're amazing. My favorite song is Please Don't Go. 'Stars' is basically Bella in song form. But ALL of their songs are the beesknees, so you should like...check them out. :)**

**Ugh, I know, I know. It's long. But I ramble and I'm just so sorry you took your time to read all of that. Thank you for reading it though. It means a lot. (: I apologize if you got lost. It was all over the place.**

**I'll make it up to you be saying I didn't do any of my homework and i'm totally gonna pay for it tomorrow D: . Thank god it's a Sunday. :D**


End file.
